Poem: The Ghost

I see the pouting lips
now, just a fading memory
A train wreck that rips
through the happy scenery.

A ghost that haunts my blue window.

can't stop the rain
in this dark world
The deep cuts of pain
my mind forever soiled.

A ghost that haunts my blue window.

How do I move on
eye of the ocean
my bright shining sun
time frozen without motion.

Free, I must let you be
but always will wonder
a day, come back to me
till then, soul-mates asunder

The ghost haunts my blue windows.

The Rape Culture Myth

What feminist don't want you to know

 
The subject of rape is one that is difficult to discuss because of the lack of information about male victims and female perpetrators.  On the surface, it appears there are no male victims or female perpetrators.  You have to dig for information.  It's not enough to just look at statistics from the FBI without understanding what the numbers represent.   I've touched on this subject in a previous post but I will expand on it here.  [1]

Theory

One of feminist's favorite theories is "rape culture".  This is the concept that the rape of women (and only women) is allowed and sometimes encouraged/ignored by society.  They publicly demonstrate against it with "slut walks" [2] as well as claims of poor or unsourced statistics.  The "slut walks" are often the result of someone making a comment about how women should dress more moderately.  These comments are often due to religious beliefs but I see no reason cherry pick one stupid religious comment out of many.  What they call "victim blaming" is nothing more than a complaint against religious dogma.

The basic idea shared by the religious and feminist is that only men will rape with little provocation.   The solution to this imaginary problem is where they disagree.    The religious suggest women wear moderate clothing to show less skin because men wouldn't be able to control their urges.  Muslims take it a step farther and often require women wear clothing that covers everything.   Although a burka is extreme, it is still intended to protect women from men.  Many Muslim countries have female only parking close to the building and Saudi Arabia has proposed constructing a woman only city.   All in the name of protecting helpless females from the evils of men who can't control themselves.

Feminist claim these concepts are blaming the woman for the crime, but this is a misrepresentation of the religious position.   Ultimately, both are wrong because attackers look for people who appear vulnerable.  Their "Teach men not to rape" posters should be offensive to anyone with the slightest sense of morality.  This notion is just as absurd as "teach women not to throw babies in dumpsters" or "teach Jews not to cheat".  Should we believe that men (and only men) have an innate desire to rape that must be resisted on a constant basis?  How many women have your brothers and fathers nearly raped today? When they see a beautiful woman do they think of raping her?  I would suspect rape has never entered their minds.  Everyone should be outraged at these feminist for suggesting that men need to be taught not to rape.

Rape is one of the worst crimes. The woman is nearly always believed and the allegation alone can destroy a life even when it's false. Being accused of rape is often enough for vigilante justice and rapist are despised in prison.  49 states (Arizona is the only state that doesn't) even have "rape shield" laws that prevent the accuser's past from being considered as evidence, among other things, even when it's a past littered with false allegations.  An accuser can even report anonymously therefor not be known to the accused and prosecution.  How can you make a legal defense against that?

Look at cases where males are the rape victim if you want to see cases where a victim was blamed for the crime committed against them.  Males who are raped by females are often said to have "wanted it" or "lucky".  In many cases of statutory rape, male victims are often forced to pay child support which has been supported by case law. [3,49]  This has happened in several states including California, Kansas, Ohio, Texas, Kentucky, and Colorado.   Statutory rape is where two people have consented to sex, but one is under the age of legal consent.  The age of consent varies depending on the jurisdiction and is usually referred to as statutory rape.  If one of the participants is unable to give legal consent then the sex is considered a crime by law.  This type of rape is vastly different from someone forcing another to sex against their will.

The age of consent is a common place to find double standards.  Feminist hold up a single case where a female victim (statutory rape) sued to stop a visitation court case. [4]   There's even a meme on social media about it stating "31 states allow a rapist to sue for visitation".   The meme is completely false in the 31 states don't specifically forbid it, but this isn't the same as allowing it.  I'm certain no judge would award custody to a convicted (or even accused) male rapist.  In most places, registered sex offenders aren't allowed near children.  The information feminist left out of the referenced case is the male was ordered to pay child support and sued for visitation so the child support would be dropped.  What is unique about the case is the male was order to pay child support, not restitution for his crime.   Otherwise, there has not been a single case that I could find where a male rapist was awarded visitation.   However, I have already referenced a case above where a female rapist was awarded full custody and child support from her victim.

The only difference between a female and male victim is the courts decided a male consents to sex even though he wasn't legally able too. [3]  Why isn't someone talking about the double standard?  This hypocrisy even applies when an older female rapes (statutory) a younger female.  [5]   Image the headlines if it had been an 18 year old male instead of a pretty lesbian?  Would he have gotten community service?

The FBI's Role

The FBI definition of rape excluded all male victims until 2012. [6]   Obviously, rape has always been a crime regardless of gender.  The importance here is an exclusion in the definition affects how statistics are collected.  The statistics are used to influence public policy and law.  It was updated to include male victims but the new definition requires that a person be penetrated by genital, object, or oral.  This excludes cases where a women raped the man by forcing him to penetrate her.    For example, when a female teacher is convicted of rape of students or when the male was drugged.   Prior to 2012, male victims were recorded as aggravated assault which would exaggerate assaults but deflate rape statistics. [7]  The new definition is an improvement but it will still skew the statistics by excluding a large number of crimes.  I suspect in the future someone will claim that rapes have recently dramatically increased as a result of the change in definition.

The new definition also includes a vague notion where a woman was under the influence of alcohol.    No one is saying that a woman can't be raped while drunk, but it allows women to claim being raped simply because they were drunk.   In feminist dogma, a drunk woman having sex is a victim and a drunk man is a rapist.   A "coyote ugly" moment is not rape simply because a person regrets their choices on the previous night.     This would be like saying women can't be guilty of DUI because she wasn't able to make the choice to drive.   The new definition allows the statistics to under represent male victims and over represent female ones.

College

The definition of rape is getting vague on the college level.    Under the Obama Administration's Russlyn Ali, head of the U.S. Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights, issued a letter on April 4, 2011 to universities under Title IX to force them to consider sexual assault on "preponderance of the evidence".  [8]   Sexual assault is a crime that includes other behaviors besides rape.   Grabbing someone's butt without consent is sexual assault.

This new requirement is enforced by putting federal money on the line if the university refuses to implement the standard.  An accused male in college will be considered guilty on the mere basis of being accused.   While this doesn't translate directly into a criminal conviction, it will end his education and brand him a rapist for life.  These men are being accused of one of the worst crimes without being able to defend themselves.  The letter was voluntary and not all colleges adopted the new rules so congress passed an amendment in the SaVE act to force all universities to enact this new standard of evidence. [9]    This has resulted in colleges expelling male students at record rates for fear of a title IX lawsuit.   Some colleges like Occidental College have been abusing civil rights for some time.  In 2009, they created an anonymous rape reporting system on their website.   The target is called into office and accused of rape.   The identity of the alleged victim is not known to the accused or the persecutor.  Under the new standard of evidence, the accused is guilty.

Look at the case in January 2010 at the University of North Dakota for student Caleb Warner.   He was accused of sexual assault and found guilty by the university.   He was suspended and banned from the school grounds for three years.    The police investigated and refused to charge Caleb, but they charged his accuser with filing a false report.    She fled the area when a warrant was issued for her arrest.    He made several attempts to get the university to reconsider which were all denied.  It was only after a year and a half and the intervention of TheFire.org that his case was reopened.

Military

This feminist idea of rape is now implemented in the US military thanks to the Obama administration.   Now, a man's military career will be ended by no more than the accusation by a woman.   He has no right to defend himself and no due process.    This judgement bypasses the judge and can't be appealed. [10]  This action was taken as a response of a deeply flawed survey. [11]  The survey was a self-selected survey based on self reporting.  This means the data wasn't taken from random participants and there's no way to verify the allegations.  The vague wording of the survey further compromises the data because it asked about "unwanted sexual contact" which doesn't directly translate into the serious crimes of rape or sexual assault.  The data is completely unreliable and the Pentagon used it to extrapolate the sexual assault across all branches.  The survey also reported that nearly everyone (90%) understands the criminal code and how to report offenses. The reporting methods also include anonymous reporting options.  With that in mind, there was only about 3,000 incidents reported in the same time period as the survey.

These ideas discriminate against men and are dangerous.  They are being made into policy and law while no one seems to bat an eye even though these stories were published in the media.


Crime Statistics

What are the actual crime statistics?     According to the FBI's UCR, the rate of rape crimes in 2012 was .27 per 100,000.  Keep in mind, this number only includes female victims because of the definition of rape used by the FBI.  [12]   If you calculate the rate it is roughly 1 in 1,256 women were victims of rape in 2012. [13]  This number is high because the FBI includes reported crimes and not all alleged crimes are true for various reasons.  The number also doesn't mean if you had 1,256 women in a room that one would be a victim of rape.    It means the chance a woman has during her lifetime of being raped is roughly 1 in 1,256 in any given year.

False Allegations

The innocence project and studies have shown that at least 25% of DNA tested cases proved the rape convictions were wrong but the men still serve an average of seven years in prison for the crime.  In addition, another 25% of the test were inconclusive.  [14]   This could mean that up to half of the men with rape convictions in prison are innocent.  There are many legitimate scientific studies that show 50% of rape allegations are false and it maybe as high as 70% [15,16].  Feminist claim only 2% of the rape accusations are false.    The only source for the 2% number is the book "Against Our Will" written by a feminist who thinks all forms of heterosexual sex is rape.  The book gives no source and appears it was completely made up by author.   Despite this fact, it has shown up in legislation like "VAWA" and nearly every speech given by the Obama administration on the topic.

Women are rarely charged when making a false accusation even though filing false police reports is a crime.  Feminist will even argue that punishing false accusers will somehow make real victims reluctant to come forward.  Even accusers in national stories like the Duke lacrosse case were never charged for making the false allegation.   The only person who paid for the false report in the Duke Lacrosse case was the male prosecutor. [17]

Another interesting phenomenon is that of transference.    I am referring to where a patient transfers events in their life onto another person.  The accused are professionally devastated and are guilty until proven innocent.  [18]

When a man is accused of rape their life is usually destroyed and often the victim of vigilante mob justice. [19]    A false allegation is a serious problem and those who abuse the system should be punished.

False Statistics

People often claim that statistics can be found to justify any position in order rationalize their position.    However, facts don't lie but people do.     Most people will blindly accept a bumper sticker bit of information by confirmation bias.  The argument is not just about which numbers are correct because it is easy to determine what is true when you look at the source of the data.

RAINN

Websites like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest Nation Network) use statistics from the NCVS (National Crime Victimization Survey) which are much higher than actual crime rates.  While RAINN performs many other services, I am only going to address their use of statistics.

The NCVS is a phone survey that measures the perception of people and can't be translated to actual crimes.  [20]  The survey has about 1,000 people who self report a crime.   There's no way of knowing if a crime was actually committed in any of these reported incidents.  An interesting fact about the NCVS data is that it shows male victims report the incident to police only 10% of the time (compared to 60% of females).  The data excludes female/male and female/female crimes.  Obviously, this data doesn't accurately represent crimes in the USA.  If anything, it represent the perception people have of crimes in the USA.  RAINN's website uses the NCVS to show a statistic of 1 in 77 which is about 15 times higher than the actual crime rate.

Another common claim originated by RAINN is only 3% of rapist serve any time in jail.  RAINN has never revealed how they calculated this statistic other than stating it was based on the NCVS and FBI statistics.  The FBI nor NCVS have statistics related to conviction rates and the type of comparison makes several assumptions of the data.

1. All crimes reported to the police are true.  The FBI statistics show alleged crimes reported to police but doesn't track if the accused was found guilty of those crimes.
2. All crimes not reported to the police are true.  The NCVS statistics show crimes claimed to have occurred by participants in the survey.    As previously noted, the NCVS numbers are much higher than the actual crime rate which indicates most of the alleged crimes are not reported to police.
3. All criminals in jail are guilty.   The FBI and NCVS do not keep statistics on the guilt or innocence of the accused.
4. All criminals in jail only committed one crime.   The FBI statistics counts the instances the crime was reported when most likely a single person committed multiple accounts.

The Bureau of Justice Statistics routinely performs analysis on conviction rates (even comparing them to other countries).   In fact, their data shows a conviction rate of about 80% for rape which are much higher than those for murder.  [21]  It's not 100% but keep in mind that the accusation of a crime is not the same as being guilty of that crime.  The high rate of false allegations means that the 80% conviction rate probably includes a lot of innocent people serving time for a crime they didn't commit.

Even though I have been critical of RAINN's representation of statistics, they have publicly come out against feminist claims of "rape culture".  They urge the White House to take meaningful measures to correct the problem.  RAINN's letter can be found on their website here.

Mary Koss

The feminist claim of 1 in 3 female college students are victim of sexual assault is also misleading and over 400 times higher than the actual crime rate.  The claim is rooted in the "Sexual Experience Survey" (SES) developed by Mary Koss in 1982. [22]   The self reported survey is a perception measurement (like the NCVS) of sexual aggression of male offenders on female victims (Notice it's one way?) and can not be directly translated into crimes or trends.   This survey was published in a peer reviewed journal.  [23]   This survey was later picked up by Ms. Magazine and misrepresented as an actual crime rate. [24]   The Koss survey inflated the numbers by included women as rape victims even when 73% didn't consider themselves rape victims. [25]   The survey questions blur the line between consent and "didn't want too".  A person may say they "didn't want to have sex" for various reasons but if they gave consent despite their reservations then they were not raped by any legal definition.  The survey also mentions coercion by drinking/drugs but doesn't specify how much or what.  When alcohol was involved was the person legally drunk or blacked out?   What kind of drugs were used and were they taken willingly?  The Koss survey, like the NCVS, excludes male victims who were not penetrated by another male.   The Koss survey has some major weaknesses and some have been addressed in later papers. [26,27,28]

The results of the Koss survey should be questioned because her findings are far outside of actual crime statistics and other surveys like the NCVS.  In fact, unbiased studies consistently show that sexual assaults on campus are rare. [29]   The Koss results are so much higher that they should be counted as an extraordinary claim, but one has to be willing to look at how the data was collected and analyzed to determine why the results were significantly higher.
 
Who are the rapist?

Feminist and the religious are trying to tell us that men are so terrible that they will rape a woman with little provocation.     Experts like David Lisak, have shown through studies that 90%+ of rapes are committed by serial rapist with an average of six victims before they are caught.  These studies also show that the majority of rape crimes are committed by about 4% of male population and nearly all of them go to jail. [30,31,32]    The sad part is even valid studies rarely address male victims, female perpetrators, or imply that only men lie about crimes.

There have been some research highlighting how under studied female perpetrators are. [33]  An overwhelming 94% of male youth in correctional facilities report being sexually abused by the minority (42%) female staff. [34]   Even if the inmate was willing in some capacity, an inmate can not give legal consent to sex.  The reason for this should be obvious to everyone because first most the victims in this report are under age and the staff have power over them.  An inmate may only give consent to a staff member due to fear that they may retaliate with their power.   Feminist like Adele Mercier, claims the males weren't raped (by the women) because they must have wanted it or he seduced the staff.  [35]

Any female can be a predator and it is common in our schools even though they get less media attention than males. [36]

Who are the victims?

What little information we have comes from independent studies that have largely been ignored.  Studies that look at both genders show that males and females are equal in rape victimization up until the male reaches puberty where females take a slight lead.     They also show that male reporting goes down which could explain the difference in reporting.  Studies show that a majority of male rapist are often repeat offenders who are the victims of rape by females in their childhood.  [37]

A study looking at victims in war, the genders are nearly equal in rape victimization if not more so for men. [38, 39]   The difference for men is there's no assistance available and they are shunned or killed if they come forward especially in countries where homosexuality is illegal.  The number of male rape victims in prison are far higher than the number female victims in society. [40, 41]    A college study showed that 51% of the male students were victims of sexual assaults. [42]  A CDC study, that Mary Koss consulted on, showed victimization rates of males and female is roughly equal and at least 45% of male victims were raped by females.  The CDC report calls male rape "made to penetrate" and tries to rationalize how men can't be raped.  [43]    Another CDC study showed that 16% of males (25% females) were sexually abused before the age of 18 and 40% of the males were victimized by females. [44]

Men are significantly less likely to report being raped. [45]   Even in cases where the sexual abuse was documented by agencies like government social services only 16% of men (64% women) considered themselves to be victims of sexual abuse. [46]

Sex Trafficking

 One of the most over looked areas in sexual crimes is that of sex trafficking.  This is most often shown as a women only crime, but in fact it impacts boys just as much as girls.    For example, a study in 2008 in New York found that most of the sex trafficking victims were male (54%).   There was even a bias in that both male and female victims were more likely to recruit other boys when they participated in recruiting. [47]

Males are rarely identified as prostitutes or rescued despite males being the majority of sex trafficking victims.  They are usually only arrested for petty crimes.  Males aren't seen as possible victims and those that are have little help available to them.    In fact, only 4 of the 25 shelters provided any services to male victims. [48]

Summary

This post is not about claiming who is the bigger victim but merely to show how the world really is.  Rape is simply not a gendered crime as feminist would have us believe and it is committed by men and women against both men and women.  Like most crimes, men are the victim of rape more often than women. [39]   What this information tells us is the claims made by feminist are completely false and we need a gender neutral approach to rape and research.

Topics

"What feminist don't want you to know"

• Introduction
• MRA
• Ideology  
• Wage Gap Myth

Sources:

I would like to give special thanks to the people at Exposing Feminism for their assistance with the research.

1.  http://theatheistmerphie.blogspot.com/2012/09/rape-crime-against-men.html
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SlutWalk
3. http://www.lawlink.com/research/caselevel3/74059
4. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/mass-mother-toddler-files-federal-suit-deny-visitation-rights-statutory-rapist-article-1.1437486
5. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/kaitlyn-hunt-plead-teen-sex-case-article-1.1475135
6. http://www.fbi.gov/news/pressrel/press-releases/attorney-general-eric-holder-announces-revisions-to-the-uniform-crime-reports-definition-of-rape
7.  http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/violent-crime/forcible-rape
8.  http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/letters/colleague-201104.html
9. http://beta.congress.gov/bill/112th/house-bill/2016
10.  http://thinkprogress.org/security/2013/12/27/3104851/president-obama-sexual-assault-military/ 
11.  http://nypost.com/2013/05/31/military-sexual-assaults-bogus-epidemic/ 
12. http://www.ucrdatatool.gov/Search/Crime/State/TrendsInOneVar.cfm
13.  http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv09.pdf 
14.  https://www.ncjrs.gov/txtfiles/dnaevid.txt
15.  https://archive.org/details/FalseRapeAllegations
16.  http://www.falserape.net/falserapeafa.htm
17. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_lacrosse_case
18. http://www.ipt-forensics.com/journal/volume7/j7_1_4.htm
19. http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com/2011/03/philadelphia-sanctions-vigilante.html
20. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Crime_Victimization_Survey  
21. http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cnscj.pdf
22. http://www.midss.org/sites/default/files/ses-sfv.doc
23. http://www.soci270.carvajal.ca/documents/KossTheScopeofRape.pdf
24. http://www.womensmediacenter.com/feature/entry/date-rape-revisited
25.  http://www.nytimes.com/1993/06/13/magazine/date-rape-s-other-victim.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm
26. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9661726
27. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10160235
28. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16399925
29. https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/221153.pdf
30. http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/news/montana_state_university/article_6dfc2c92-03a8-11e3-8f7c-0019bb2963f4.html  
31. Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists by David Lisak and Paul M. Miller, published in Violence and Victims, Vol 17, No. 1, 2002 (Lisak & Miller 2002) 
32. Reports of Rape Reperpetration by Newly Enlisted Male Navy Personnel by Stephanie K. McWhorter, et al., published in Violence and Victims, Vol, 24, No. 2, 2009
33. http://www.palgrave-journals.com/cpcs/journal/v14/n3/abs/cpcs20125a.html 
34. http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/svjfry09.pdf
35. http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/professor-adele-mercier-it-wasnt-rape-he-was-asking-for-it-queensjournal/
36. http://www.wnd.com/2013/12/39783/
37. http://www.canadiancrc.com/PDFs/The_Invisible_Boy_Report.pdf 
38.  http://www.theguardian.com/society/2011/jul/17/the-rape-of-men 
39. Stemple, Lara (2009). "Male Rape and Human Rights". Hastings Law Journal 3 (60): 605
40. http://tpj.sagepub.com/content/69/2/39.extract 
41. http://www.loompanics.com/Articles/RapeInPrison.html
42. http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/men-13-3-243.pdf
43. http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
44. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15894146?dopt=Abstract
45. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9125368
46.  https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/publications/abstract.aspx?ID=166614
47. https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/225083.pdf 
48. https://d1qkyo3pi1c9bx.cloudfront.net/00028B1B-B0DB-4FCD-A991-219527535DAB/1b1293ef-1524-4f2c-b148-91db11379d11.pdf 
49. http://law.justia.com/cases/kansas/supreme-court/1993/67-978-3.html

Feminist Ideology

What feminist don't want you to know

Ideology

Feminist seem unable to make a logical and reasonable argument for their position and they abuse copyright claims and site flag features to censor ideas online.  Their ad hominem [1] attacks are usually confined to a few words or phrases like rape apologist, misogyny, woman-hater, and sexist.  Usually this is their sole attempt at an argument or a method to end the discussion.   I have yet to find a feminist who can make a fact based argument with logic and reason based on evidence.

Their efforts are not limited to online venues.  Feminist have torn down posters about equality at a construction site in Canada. [2]   The sole issue with the posters was not the message but simply the ideology of feminism was being attacked. 

Feminist protested a conference held by the organization CAFE [3] covering issues facing men today.  [4]   After verbally assaulting several people at the conference, the feminist also blocked the entrance and the police had to be called.      During the lecture, they pulled the fire alarm to force the end of the meeting. [5]  I would urge anyone to look at CAFE's website and find a single sentence that is hateful of anyone.

A lecture [6] by Warren Farrell [7] was violently protested by feminist where he was discussing how men today are in crisis.  [8]    Mr. Farrell has been anti-feminism at times but nothing in his speech or books are anti-woman.  His lectures focus on issues facing men in our society.

After all, belief systems or ideologies like feminism are not allowed to be criticized.  Why would any reasonable person be against a discussion of issue facing men?

Right to Vote

The first claim about feminist working toward equality is usually a bumper sticker statement about a women's right to vote.  This claim is revisionist history because the right to vote for women wasn't done by feminist nor was it about equality.  The story of the right to vote is complicated and can't be explained by a simple statement.   The right to vote was only given to citizens and every state had a different definition of what a citizen was.  Most of the states didn't directly restrict a woman's right to vote and more than half the states allowed women to vote prior to the 19th amendment. [9]   The 19th amendment streamlined voting laws across all the states.  The majority of states coupled the vote with owning property and nothing prevented women from owning property.  Some restrictions were in place where property owned by a woman were under the control of the man if she were married.   When laws like this existed there were balances called covertures in place to protect the woman from abuse of the law by the man. [10]

The right to vote was different for each state and nearly all had some restrictions based on race, wealth, or religion. These laws were more about restricting the right to vote to the rich or the majority.  While the laws restricted a woman's ability to vote, it also prevented most men from voting too.

Many women at the time were against getting the vote because one of the conditions of being a citizen was conscription.  This was obvious by the "white feather campaign" and the suffragettes who helped enforced the male obligation by shaming men into serving the military. [11]  The suffragettes took time out of campaigning for the right to vote by giving a white feather to any male who was not in uniform.   This was to publicly label them a coward.    Children were often targeted by these women as well.  This method was so effective that wounded servicemen were given special silver badges to prevent them from being targeted by the white feather campaign.    This was only done after large numbers of veterans committed suicide after receiving a white feather thinking they cowards for not dying on the battlefield.

The supreme court ruled in 1918 that a citizen had to serve when called as a part of being a citizen.     There were few exceptions and were for religious groups like the Amish, Mennonites, and Quakers.  Men who refused service were sentenced to death or life in prison with hard labor.  The last execution for refusing service took place as late as 1917.    The draft applied to all men on average of 18 or older while most of those men forced to serve in the military did not have the ability to vote just on age alone.   The minimum draft age changed depending on the needs of the military.    However there were plenty of discussions of what the minimum should be.    In 1951 the assistant Secretary of Defense, Mrs Anna Rosenberg, proposed that the age be lowered to 18 from 19 because potential enemies like China draft at 16.  [12]

Most of the suffragettes were talking about rights for the middle class women and often ignored the lower class working women.  The women's suffrage movement didn't have much support among women.  In 1913, polls showed that the majority of women opposed it.  (85%) [13]   This anti-suffrage sentiment among women continued in 1915. [14]   It seems odd that in a span of 4 years public opinion would change from an overwhelming majority opposed to women's suffrage to a slight majority supporting it.     A possible motivation for this change was racism since many of the women leaders in the suffragettes expressed this sentiment:

"You have put the ballot in the hands of your black men, thus making them political superiors of white women. Never before in the history of the world have men made former slaves the political masters of their former mistresses"



Anna Howard Shaw, 1847-1919 (Physician, Methodist minister, president of the National Woman Suffrage Association.)
 
"The enfranchisement of women would insure immediate and durable white supremacy, honestly attained, for upon unquestioned authority it is stated that in every southern State but one there are more educated women than all the illiterate voters, white and black, native and foreign, combined. As you probably know, of all the women in the South who can read and write, ten out of every eleven are white. When it comes to the proportion of property between the races, that of the white outweighs that of the black immeasurably"

Belle Kearney, 1863-1939 (Orator, novelist, Mississippi state senator) 

"What will we and our daughters suffer if these degraded black men are allowed to have the rights that would make them even worse than our Saxon fathers"
 
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1815-1902 (Social activist, abolitionist, author)
 
"The white men, reinforced by the educated white women, could ‘snow under’ the Negro vote in every State, and the white race would maintain its supremacy without corrupting or intimidating the Negroes"



Laura Clay, 1849-1940 (Founder of Kentucky’s first suffrage group)
 
"Alien illiterates rule our cities today; the saloon is their palace, and the toddy stick their scepter. The colored race multiplies like the locusts of Egypt".


Frances Willard, 1839-1898 (Feminist lecturer, founder of the National Council of Women, anti-child abuse activist)
 
"White supremacy will be strengthened, not weakened, by women's suffrage".


Carrie Chapman Catt, 1859-1947 (Founder of the League of Women Voters) 
 
"I do not want to see a negro man walk to the polls and vote on who should handle my tax money, while I myself cannot vote at all, When there is not enough religion in the pulpit to organize a crusade against sin; nor justice in the court house to promptly punish crime; nor manhood enough in the nation to put a sheltering arm about innocence and virtue—-if it needs lynching to protect woman’s dearest possession from the ravening human beast so then I say lynch, a thousand times a week if necessary".

Rebecca Ann Latimer Felton, 1835-1930 (First woman to serve in the Senate)

In 1919, women were given the vote but never the obligation of service which men weren't allowed to refuse.  Men had to wait another 50 years before the draft was ended in 1970.  Men paid for the right to vote with blood while women got it for having a vagina.  Women are the only group who received the right to vote by asking for it and without bloodshed.  Even in the military today, men over 97% of all war casualties [15] and all men are still required to register for the draft which is now called "selective service".  According to the selective service website, those who don't register by the age of 26 will be disqualified for federal student loans, jobs, and job training.     They could also face five years in jail and/or a fine of $25,000.    Male immigrants who become a citizen before they are 26 are required to register to obtain citizenship.   On top of federal penalties, nearly every state their own penalties including denial of a driver's license.     Women are still completely except from the draft.

For more information on the suffrage I would recommend reading books on the anti-suffrage movement.   One book is titled "No Votes for Women" and it is available on Amazon.

What women want

For about the last 40 years women have been the majority of voters at the polls.  [16]   This majority is why most politicians pander to the women demographic during elections.    The fact is that women are a major influence in elections and they don't want to be drafted.

In an poll in 1957, more females than males thought the draft was needed and only 4% of the females thought women should be drafted compared to 40% of the males.  [17]

The Carter Administration wanted to make the draft gender neutral and in 1980 another poll showed that a majority of women thought the draft was needed but the majority of women also didn't want to be drafted.  This contrast with the majority of men who wanted women to be drafted too.  [18]   These opinions were nearly identical a year later in another poll.  [19]   

A poll in 2013 shows that opinions on the draft remain nearly unchanged today.     In the poll, 59% of men supported females being drafter while a majority of the woman (48%) opposed it. [20]

The majority of men (59%) in 1980 supported the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA).   The major opposition to the ERA was the fact it would required women be subject to the draft because exemptions based on gender would be unconstitutional.  The opposition mainly came from conservatives in the southern states.  [21]

In 1981, congresswoman, Clare Boothe Luce, pushed for the draft to be made equal across race and class without any college exceptions because our military should represent all Americans.   Her ideas of being equal excluded women who would remain exempt from the draft.  [22]

The military in the United States has been opening up to females over the last decades and females still only make up 14% of the personell.  [23]   Israel probably has the most integrated military and actively drafts females.   Despite the draft, females only make up 3% of the combat forces and are given exemptions that are not available to their male peers.

Topics

"What feminist don't want you to know"

• Introduction
• MRA
• Rape Culture Myth  
• Wage Gap Myth

Sources: (Revision 2)


I would like to give special thanks to the people at Exposing Feminism for their assistance with the research.   The credit for the Suffragettes quotes goes to Kristal Garcia (@KristalDGarcia)

1. https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/ad-hominem
2. http://youtu.be/3Jz63_lGuSE
3.  http://equalitycanada.com
4.  http://youtu.be/M2KPeMcYsuc 
5.  http://youtu.be/AY3dI3tpjrw
6. http://youtu.be/P6w1S8yrFz4
7.  http://www.warrenfarrell.org/
8.  http://youtu.be/iARHCxAMAO0 
9. http://constitutioncenter.org/timeline/html/cw08_12159.html  
10. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture
11. http://greatwarfiction.wordpress.com/white-feathers-stories-of-courage-cowardice-and-recruitment-at-the-start-of-the-great-war/ 
12. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2229&dat=19510204&id=EkVAAAAAIBAJ&sjid=7v8FAAAAIBAJ&pg=1454,3043993
13. The Tribune Republican, 11/14/1913; Page 16: http://www.scribd.com/doc/208179458/85-Percent-of-the-Women-in-Tue-US-Either-Opposed-or-Were-Indifferent-to-Womens-Suffrage-1913
14. San Francisco Chronicle, 10/21/1915, http://www.scribd.com/doc/208352464/Majority-of-Women-on-East-Coast-Opposed-Their-Own-Right-to-Vote-in-1915
15. http://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RS22452.pdf 
16. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2012/11/08/exit-polls-the-gender-gap/ 
17. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1338&dat=19570207&id=WfxXAAAAIBAJ&sjid=6PYDAAAAIBAJ&pg=7082,1347485 
18. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19800202&id=U6ROAAAAIBAJ&sjid=z_oDAAAAIBAJ&pg=6934,323561
19. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1891&dat=19810721&id=WKofAAAAIBAJ&sjid=iNYEAAAAIBAJ&pg=906,3278142
20. http://bigstory.ap.org/article/listen-ladies-uncle-sam-might-want-you-too
21. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2206&dat=19800131&id=ztJWAAAAIBAJ&sjid=c0INAAAAIBAJ&pg=1116,4335416
22. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1368&dat=19810309&id=94ZQAAAAIBAJ&sjid=DhIEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6761,1408605
23. http://www.statisticbrain.com/women-in-the-military-statistics/ 
24. http://www.idf.il/1086-14000-EN/Dover.aspx

 

MRA

What feminist don't want you to know

The newest tactic that feminist use against their critics is to call someone a men's rights activist (MRA).  (Also: Men's Human Rights Activist "MHRA") This is used as an insult similar to calling someone a jerk.  The basis of this insult is feminist accusations that all MRA's are hateful or bad in some way.   It is an Ad Hominem fallacy. [1]

I think of a MRAs as people like Paul Elam, John Hembling, Erin Pizzey, Karen Straughan, and Alison Tieman.  These are people who contribute to A Voice For Men.   They maintain a high standard, never incite violence, and have said nothing anti-woman.  They are against the feminist ideology which is not the same as being anti-woman.  The "NAFALT" feminist are quick to distance themselves from the extremist who call themselves feminist but hypocritically classify all MRA's by extremist or trolls they encounter.   This is an argument by a genetic fallacy. [2]  

I have never claimed to be a MRA because I don't do any activism.  I get into arguments with feminist because I am against bad information.   I base my opinions on facts and spend a large amount of time doing research.

Moreover, I fear what kind of world my sons will grow up in.    A place where they can be kicked out of school or the military solely on an accusation without due process.    A world where marriage and having children is probably the worst choice they could make because the odds of a fair outcome are against them.

I think everyone should speak up when injustice is being done.   Historically, men have been treated as disposable objects that are valued only by their output.   Why are men's rights important?

Men are:

• 97% of all war casualties [3]
• the majority of violence crime victims [4]
• 80% of all suicides [5]
• to three times longer prison sentences for the same crime [6]
• have a lower life expectancy by more than 6 years [7] 
• 92% of occupational fatalities [8]

Men's rights are important because of these facts in addition to the topics I cover in this series of post.    Anyone who says they don't agree with MRAs are simply saying men don't matter.

Topics

"What feminist don't want you to know"

• Introduction
• Feminist Ideology
• Rape Culture Myth 
• Wage Gap Myth 

Source

I would like to give special thanks to the people at Exposing Feminism for their assistance with the research.

1. https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/ad-hominem
2. https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/genetic
3. http://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RS22452.pdf
4. http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/ucr
5. http://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/index.html
6. http://www.terry.uga.edu/~mustard/sentencing
7. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db115.pdf
8. http://www.bls.gov/iif/oshwc/cfoi/cfch0011.pdf
 

Introduction

What feminist don't want you to know

Recently, I got involved in an online discussion about feminism.   I decided to researcthis topic in depth and write a blog about the the common themes I encountered in the discussion.   The research for this post took longer than I anticipated. I am not the type who does a quick google then after a quick read assume the results support my position.   I will break this up into multiple post to make it more manageable.

The discussion I was involved in quickly turned to ad hominem and shaming by the feminist as if talking about social issues concerning men is being sexist and "blaming the victim".   To a feminist, the victim is always female and the perpetrator is always male.  The common tactic of shaming is used by feminist to silence critics because they are not interested in equality or openly discussing ideas.  When someone is advocating for the rights of one gender, it doesn't follow that they are against the rights of the other.   I accept that sexism exist in the world, but it isn't the sexism that feminist claim.  Feminism was never about equal rights and has become toxic to society today.

Definition

The claim is that feminism is about equal women's rights.  This is often the first fallacy [1] used by feminist to rationalize their position.  There are gendered equality issues on both sides and today there are far more male than female issues.    Even if you assume that feminism is just about equality, as the dictionary claims, then the problem is who defines what equality is.  Feminist only measure one side of the equation.  If a feminist was truly about equality then they would at least be willing to listen to men's issues.

The proponents of the movement give themselves an "ism" label that by it's definition excludes issues affecting half of the human population.   Feminist are pushing for special rights where equality already exists.

All feminist rely on an appeal to some form of "patriarchy theory" to explain their position.   At least I have never heard any other justification.    If they don't specifically call it "patriarchy" then they will define it during the discussion.   Patriarchy is the idea that women have always been subjugated and oppressed by men for the sole purpose and benefit of men.   For any theory to work it must be falsifiable.    This means that there must be an outcome or event that could destroy the theory and force the author to start over.   However, feminist play on both sides of the argument by claiming that anything that proves the theory wrong actually proves the theory making it impossible to disprove.  Patriarchy is a threat narrative by design and sets a "us versus them" grouping.  The basic idea of a threat narrative is to make a select group of people look like the cause of all the problems of another group of people.  This type of propaganda has been used through out time to justify the most horrible acts.

NAFALT

Almost every feminist I've spoken too will eventually claim "Not all feminist are like that" (NAFALT) which is a "no true scotsman" fallacy. [2]   Every group of feminist thinks those outside their group have the wrong philosophy.   Everyone inside the group thinks their brand is mainstream and the correct one.    It's amusing to witness a feminist call another one a "labia trader".

It's a fallacy because the argument isn't what all feminist are like because it varies from person to person.  There's no reason for a person to be attached to the word feminist.     Someone who supports equal rights would be better served calling themself a humanist.      The feminist I am talking about are those that matter in the world today and not the coffee shop variety.

They type of feminism we should be concerned with is the mainstream, scholarly, acedemics, movements, and the organizations.  Any feminist that matters is the issue because their ideology is toxic and inspires laws and policies.  The feminist ideology invents social issues and proposes solutions to the imaginary problem.  If men and women are equal then fixing imaginary feminist problems will shift the balance to biased against men.   I will show how some of the ideas are making into law and affecting us all. 

Feminism is not the same thing as women's rights.   There is a lot of ideology and philosophy under the feminism umbrella and nearly everything a feminist says is wrong because it's based on false statistics or can't be proven.   Even when a feminist hypothesis is shown to be wrong they won't let it go.   All feminist believe in common concepts.

Who are Feminist?

The problem is what people are doing in the name of feminism and these ideas are making it into law.  Looking at most of the leaders of the "2nd wave" feminism and you will see a collection of sociopaths who were abused at some point in their life.  Their mantra has been "make the personal political" which means to take your personal damage and make it a problem for other people.

The poster child would be Valerie Solanas [3] who wrote the S.C.U.M manifesto.   The meaning of "SCUM" is somewhat debated but the contents of the book are not.      In her book she describes as the only solution to imaginary problems is to kill all the males in the world.   She later tried to implement her plan with a failed attempt to kill Andy Warhol.   She died in 1988 but many feminist still claim she is a hero of the movement.  

Feminist haven't improved much in recent times.   Women like like "Femitheist Divine" advocated a "National Castration Day" where any man who refused to be castrated would just be killed.   [4]  This person later faked rumors about her suicide to gain attention after she was largely ignored even by fellow feminist.   The video detailing her final solution appears to be removed but a Google search will still show a few mirrors. [5]   There was not a single feminist who denounced her message or protested it.

More examples can be found in places like RadFem Hub where feminist calmly talk about killing males.     The "Agent Orange Files" is a collection of evidence from the hub showing women openly talking about hurting and killing males of all ages for imaginary offenses. [6]   These people are not radicals in the shadows.   Some of the members are childcare workers, teachers, government employees, and women from every walk of life.   Where are the massive protest of the "NAFALT" feminist to get this group branded a hate group?    Where are the groups to flag their videos and material?

How about feminist who claim that every form of heterosexual sex is rape?   [7]   This idea isn't isolated to a few followers of feminism.   It has been recycled repeatedly since the beginning of the movement. 

How safe would your male baby to be in the arms of a woman who thinks he is the problem and a future rapist?   It should come as no surprise when someone decides the only solution is too kill men when they believe an ideology like patriarchy theory which asserts that women are the victim of men and always have been.

This is only a small list and more examples of mainstream feminist thought can be found at this site.    Here are a few quotes from prominent modern feminist.

Robin Morgan (Ms Magazine Editor)

"I feel that "man-hating" is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them." [8]

"All the discriminatory practices against women are patterned and rationalized by this slavery-like practice. We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage." ^[8]

“I claim that rape exists any time sexual intercourse occurs when it has not been initiated by the woman, out of her own genuine affection and desire.”

Andrea Dworkin

"Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman." [10]

"I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig."

"Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice."

"Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies."  [11]

Sandy Brown

"When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression..." [12]

Catherine Comins (assistant dean of student life at Vassar)

"They have a lot of pain, but it is not a pain that I would necessarily have spared them. I think it ideally initiates a process of self-exploration. 'How do I see women?' 'If I didn't violate her, could I have?' 'Do I have the potential to do to her what they say I did?' Those are good questions.'"

(Explaining how a man's life ruined by a false accusation of rape is a good thing)

Hilary Clinton

"Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat. Women often have to flee from the only homes they have ever known. Women are often the refugees from conflict and sometimes, more frequently in today’s warfare, victims. Women are often left with the responsibility, alone, of raising the children." [13] 

She is saying that men aren't victims of their own deaths and minimizing the suffering of half the human population.      Yet, If she had said something like "Whites were the primary victims of slavery..." then she would have been denounced all over the media and out of a job.

There are many more examples like this from feminist.  The goal of these post is to highlight the damage being done by feminist and not to focus on any single person.

Topics

• Feminist Ideology
• MRA
• Rape Culture Myth
• Wage Gap Myth 

Sources: (Revision 2)

I would like to give special thanks to the people at Exposing Feminism for their assistance with the research.

1. https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/appeal-to-authority
2. https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/no-true-scotsman
3.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerie_Solanas
4. http://www.youtube.com/user/FemitheistReborn/videos (The video appears to have been removed)
5.  http://youtu.be/OSaT9utl4Ys
6.  http://agentorangefiles.com/
7.  http://witchwind.wordpress.com/2013/12/15/piv-is-always-rape-ok/
8.  "Lesbianism and Feminism: Synonyms or Contradictions?", in Going Too Far: The Personal Chronicle of a Feminist, p 178.
9. Morgan, Robin, ed., Sisterhood Is Powerful: An Anthology of Writings From the Women's Liberation Movement (N.Y.: Random House, 1st ed. 1970), p. 537.
10.   Our Blood (1976)
11. Intercourse (1987) chapter 7, "Occupation/Collaboration"
12. "Against our will", Sheila Jeffrys
13.  http://clinton3.nara.gov/WH/EOP/First_Lady/html/generalspeeches/1998/19981117.html

Parenthood for Men

For this discussion, I am not including crimes but only talking about consensual sex between a man and woman.    Men don't have any reproductive rights and rely completely on the choice of the woman.       

A woman has her choice of about 50 different forms of birth control in various forms including pills and IUD. These are all medical procedures and her partners can't observe her using them or that she is doing so correctly. In fact, he has no right to even ask about it but can only trust that she is telling the truth. If those methods fail, then she may obtain a morning after pill or get an abortion. Even after she carries a baby to term, she can still give the baby up for adoption or drop it off at a safe haven. All of this is the woman's choice and she doesn't have to consult the father nor does he have any rights to the child. Most states don't even grant the father access in the case of safe haven or adoption.

The man has one choice of birth control. A condom. The woman can observe him using it and if he is using it correctly. She could even sabotage it and he would never know.

With all that, if the woman chooses to keep the baby then the man is legally liable for child support even if he never wanted the child, paternity fraud, theft, or rape.

Some would give the standard mantra of "Woman's body, woman's choice"    That's fine too!     Man's wallet, Man's choice.      If a man doesn't want to be a parent then the woman can still chose to have the child but she would have to be willing to do it without someone else footing the bill!       

Some have replied that it only means should not sleep around.      If that is the case then the same should apply to women and then abortion nor birth control would never be an issue!

My Story

It's a shame that I am writing about a topic that I should know the most about and yet I am having trouble figuring out where to start or how to describe it.    I'm going to keep names out as my intention is not to call people out.  This is probably more therapy for myself since real therapy is too expensive.   I think this is the first time I have actually wrote this out.   Perhaps its because of my mom's recent attempts to go on a talk show to air our dirty laundry to the world.   I wasn't able to go but it would have been nice to have a three day vacation in New York.

I know the stories from people in my family and my mother denies them all.  She refuses to take responsibility for any of her actions.  I grew up with her telling me how she was the black sheep of the family who was constantly victimized.    She refused to be involved in family events and the villain of her stories depends on who was alive at the time.    While my grandmother was alive she was always the one to blame.   My grandfather was to blame after she died.    Someone always corrupted me and set me against my her because I guess I could never have figured it out on my own. Now that both of her parents are done she has denied my relation to her.

The fact is that none of my earliest memories include my mother.   I remember in the second grade I had a terrible time learning to read and it was my grandmother who spent the long nights trying to help me learn.  The few times I do recall are things that were traumatic to me as a child.

I do recall some of the time I spent in Tulsa with her during my first grade year.   I know it wasn't the full year because part of the year was spent in school at my grandparents.   I remember the wonderful stories my sister told me after spending one summer with our mother and her new husband.   On my sisters return, I decided to go to Tulsa for a while.   I don't recall if I was actually given a choice but I do recall how quickly those stories my sister told seemed to be lies.    The house she described staying in was not the house were in.   In fact, we had moved into a second story apartment in front of some low income day care.    I remember a large shopping center being across the street.

About this time was when Michael Jackson's Thriller album came out.    It was one of my first records purchased.  Initially, I remember being enrolled in a good school.    It was bright and fun.     That doesn't last as I was soon enrolled in a private school where a foreign language and computers were required for first grade students.  The place required a dress code and was cold. It was probably one of the worst environments for a child to be in because I only remembered being scared there.   The walls were bare red bricks for the most part.   The daycare had more in common with the bare metal buildings at the fair grounds.   It was like a large hanger with what seemed like army surplus cots in rows.    You laid down until someone come got you when you're parents arrived.   The food service was like a soup kitchen.    

This soon became worse as things got bad between my mother and her husband.     I recall my sister being there and my mother telling us to hide.     We ran for mom's bed room and crawled under the head board of the water bed crying in fear.     This soon gave way to memories of my grandfather coming to our rescue.   This was after step-dad had vandalized the apartment even destroying most of her clothes.   I recalling being in the truck watching my grandfather who was an old man at the time but still an opposing individual.    He slapped the keys from the hand of a soon to be ex dad.    

I remember the trip back to the only home I knew as a child which was that of my maternal grandparents.     The only reason I remember the trip was because a blue, round pillow that I had used nearly every night to cry into was packed lightly and blew out of the truck bed while traveling down the highway.     This pillow had been the only source of comfort while in Tulsa and it was now gone.  I lived with my grandparents after no more than six months and it was uneventful.   

My only other memory of her afterwards was actually caught in pictures.     I was living with my grandparents and "Laser Tag" had just come out and I got a set for my birthday.     I immediately put on the equipment over my pajamas and called my mom to tell her the good news.   She accused me of only calling when I wanted money and during her barrage I broke out crying.     It was about this time someone came around the door snapping a picture of me noticing afterwards the streams of tears.     I'm not sure if this picture still exists.

I have almost no memories of my real father from early childhood.    At nearly 11, I was told that I would have to stay with my mom during the summer because the judge wouldn't like it if I was living at my grandparents.    I remember being instructed to tell the judge that "I wanted to live with my mom" because grandma wasn't a valid answer.      I remember waiting outside the court room with my grandmother in case the judge wanted to talk with me.     Thankfully, that moment never came.   It did give me the first clear memory of my biological dad as he was being hauled out of the court in hand cuffs.    Prior to this, my only memories of him was during a birthday where he was sitting on a couch as I unwrapped a toy semi-truck and visiting him in a white house that had some fruiting tree outside the window.  (I still have that semi-truck which I gave to my son)  

Oddly again, my sister spent the previous summer with my mom and I was told the stories from my sister about the wonderful house my mom kept; complete with pictures of her pet bird comically being put outside during the summer to air out.  Looking back, I think that this was done on purpose to remove any objection I would have to being there.    My mother's previous comments and actions shows she didn't care much for my sister.   This is probably because I was the first born male in a family of girls which gave me a special standing with my grandfather.  This seemed to be confirmed as I was apparently used as a bargaining chip.   Her new home was a trailer and I remember begging my grandparents to come get me during the first storm because of how the trailer swayed in the wind.

The first year at this trailer started the summer before my 5th grade year and wasn't so bad as I often came back to my grandparents for weekends.   I spent most of my time outside with a few local kids or down at the ponds fishing.      I never ate the fish.  Usually I would start with a piece of lunch meat.  I would use the fish I caught as bait so I could go all day.   (Turtles made the best bait.)  This did not last long, as my mom was soon going to bars what seemed every night with her cousin.     I was left in the care of the cousin's delinquent older kid who was heavy into skateboarding and smoking.  Naturally, I used him as a role model and soon had long hair, smoking, and a skateboard.

I remember he had built a make shift ramp to practice tricks.    We would spend late nights during the summer laying out on this ramp smoking cigarettes.    Even though I had severe asthma as a child, the cigarettes seemed to help more than hurt.     I never really learned to skate well despite having skinned knees many times.

I was by no means a popular kid.     I had very few friends.    There are only two that I recall.  I only mention these two because they are the only ones I really had contact with outside of school.  The first lived down the street from my grandparents and we played all the time.     When I moved in with my mom, that friendship was lost.   The second was a kid I had known since kindergarten and at school we were inseparable.     We occasionally played outside of school.

My 5th grade year was probably one of the more difficult years I can remember.    I was having trouble adapting with the problems at home and by then I was being bullied by other kids.     I remember two kids specifically who gave me the most trouble.       One of these kids was extremely fat for his age and the other seemed to be extremely homophobic although at the urinals he was constantly trying to catch a peak of your junk.   The fat one constantly hit and pushed me around.   The other was mainly verbal until it climaxed into him slamming my head into the walls at school.   I never fought back because I was always told I would get in more trouble at home.       I had forgotten about most of this until I enrolled my kids at the same school.

I took a lot of this out on my school friend and started to gain a lot of weight.  About half way through the school year, I had burned the bridge with my last friend as I had become the bully.   Unknown to me at the time, the friend's parents divorced at about the same time and moved away.    I was alone and devastated even though I had been a complete jerk.

I started my 6th grade year at a new school in a new town with no friends.    We had moved to an apartment complex behind my new school.     The school was merely a walk across a large field from the apartment.   I spent a lot of time in this field setting off model rockets.  I think we only spent a few winter months there.

At this time, my mom was with someone new who used to have dreams of being a professional football player.   I suspect he had a lot to do with me being required to play for the school team.    Perhaps in an attempt to get new friends and to lose weight.    Most of the team had come up together from pee-wee with the coach.     I was banished to second string which never got to play, regardless of their skill, unless the first string had been injured.      In fact, I only recall being able to play during a game once.      My mother never attended my practices and rarely any games.     Her boyfriend was there nearly every time I wore the uniform.   I was never fully accepted by the other kids which seem only to drive me further into isolation.   The benefit was I dropped a lot of weight but still thick.  

I believe it was at this time I had met my new best friend in a computer programming class.     I think I joined the class because I recalled my confusing experience with computers in Tulsa and was curious to learn more.   I didn't really become strong friends with him until later.

We soon moved into the apartment complex ran by the boyfriends parents at the beginning on my 7th grade year.     It was a large complex and I did play on occasion with kids that lived there.   One was a small thing that always wore shorts no matter what the weather was like.     The other was probably your typical nerd who spent more time making model airplanes than playing with friends.   

I probably spent most of my time riding my bike around the complex and the neighboring houses.  I can even remember some of the horrible bike wrecks I had.   One specifically, was down a hill and I clipped a man hole cover with the front tire.     I went sliding on my stomach as the bike did a somersault over my head landing a few inches from my nose.  With a few new scraps I dusted myself off and I was back on the road.

As a pretend family, we visited almost every state park in Oklahoma.     I remember the time at Red Rock canyon and stopping along the road since the adults were tired to continue driving.    We had a pop-up camper and it rained all night.    I only remember because I spent the night soaked in rain water since the camper was second hand and in poor repair.    

I vaguely remember digging for salt crystals in the salt lake and robbers cave.    I clearly remember going to Turner falls.    I spent most of the time riding down the river on a raft.     By the time we came home, I was so terribly sunburned that I had blisters on my back and shoulders.     I remember the miserable week afterwards because I was unable to move and kept myself bathed in lotion constantly.      Looking back, I probably belonged in a burn unit.

Toward the end of my 7th year, we moved into a house that was closer to my new best friend.  It was fairly small but it was nice.   The old acquaintances from the apartments disappeared as I only saw them at school.   It seems odd that friendship as kids seem dependent on if you could see them outside of school.    I had a few other friends but I didn't spend a lot of time with them.     I do remember spending a large amount of time with an old TRS-80 entering lines of code.   I don't recall many of those programs working. 

It was also at this time one of my friends was able to get cigarettes.     When I spent time with him it was usually to smoke at the local park.     This continued on through the 8th grade year although the former football guy was out of the picture.    My mother said she had been bored with him and happen to be at the time she found her marriage wasn't valid because the divorce with her ex was never finalized.     This started the major decline of my childhood.    The time at this house had been one of the easiest times in my life.   Sprinkled with liberal visitation at my grandparents during the summer and weekends.      My grandparent's house was always home to me.  In addition, they had gotten a new Tandy TL2 that I played on all the time.   I spent the majority of my time playing civilization on the computer.

He was replaced by a drug addict who first introduced me to the YMCA's gym.   It wasn't long until the drug guy went on another bender and was gone.    Soon afterwards, my mom met a new guy and we moved outside of town to his house in the country.  

This is really where the dark ages began. . .