Let's say a guy named Fred, after spending $200 buying drinks for women at the local bar approaches a woman named Martha and starts a friendly conversation. He asks her out to a movie expecting another rejection but he is completely surprised that she accepts. On the date, he pays for everything and she has a good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, the bill is placed next to him and she doesn't even glance at it. Again they seem to have a good time. They continue to see each other regularly while he works extra overtime to pay for their dates. He finally has a girlfriend just when his mom was starting to ask if he was gay.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then, there is silence in the car.
Martha begins to ponder if his watch is really a Rollex or cheap imitation. Obviously, it's a knock-off because he only have a 15% tip to the waitress. I realize our waitress got the order wrong, but I'm sure she is a single mom supporting her children because of their dead-beat dad.
And Fred is thinking: She sounds upset. Did I say something wrong? (His heart begins to race)
And Martha is thinking: I'm not sure I want a relationship with a man who can only afford a 3 star restaurant. Do I really want to continue this level of intimacy with a guy who only drives a base model BMW? It's probably rental since he didn't order desert.
And Fred is thinking: I'm sure she wants to break up now. I can see it on her face. What did I do wrong? Maybe it the kiss on the cheek yesterday? I'm probably going to fast for her. She is out of my league. I'm such a loser.
And Martha is thinking: I bet he lives in his mom's basement. He's probably still a virgin. My friend, Betty, found that cute doctor the same time I got with this creep and he buys her gifts all the time. After six months, I get some lousy flowers and a cheap restaurant. Why do I keep ending up with these losers? I was probably too drunk to realize I gave my number to the janitor. He probably slipped something in my drink.
And Fred is thinking: Maybe I'm just not giving enough attention? I never should have gotten off the phone last night. I had to get up at 4am for work, but I've gone without sleep for several days before. These 60 hour work weeks are killing me and I fell asleep before I heard how things turned out for her friend with that fat guy. Maybe she heard me snore? If I skip the gym tonight then I could spend an extra hour with her. I bet that's it. I need to think of a way to make it up to her.
And Martha is thinking: I bet my cat has a bigger dick than he does. Anyway, Bobby called me yesterday so I can dump this creep.
And Fred is thinking: If I pull a double shift tonight and come in on my day off then I should be able to afford a date at that expensive restaurant downtown.
And Martha is thinking: I'm a fool! Those are obviously second hand shoes! I deserve to have a guy who will provide for me and not end up as trailer trash. I'm a princess waiting for her knight on his white horse! I guess you have to kiss a few toads. . .
And Fred is thinking: They won't turn the electricity off if I'm only late a couple of days. I better get more energy drinks.
"Fred," Martha says aloud.
"Yes?" says Fred, startled.
"I had a great time tonight", she says with a thin lipped smile.
"Me too! I thought you were mad at me" says Fred.
"Mad? No," Martha grins. "I think we are moving a little too fast."
"Did I do something wrong?" says Fred.
"No, it's me. I'm just not ready for a serious relationship. I've been hurt to many times in the past." Martha says.
"You know I would never hurt you," Fred says choking back tears.
"I know and you're a really sweet guy," Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with an idea to save the relationship.)
"I know I haven't been around much," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh Fred, It's not that, " she says. "Seriously, it's me."
"Did you not like the restaurant? I was thinking we could try that place downtown this Friday." says Fred.
"No, the food was fine," says Martha. "I can't on Friday because I told Betty we would have a girl's night."
"Oh," says Fred.
"We can still be friends, Fred," she says.
"I'd like that," says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she gets out without glancing back. She sits on her couch and calls Betty. She tells her that she finally broke it off with loser because he was really starting to creeping her out. She ask Betty if the guy she has been seeing has some cute friends.
When Fred gets back to his place, he opens a beer trying to think of where he went wrong tonight. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind keeps telling him that he just ruined the first girlfriend he's had in almost a year and now he will probably be a loner for the rest of his life. He's been working so much and spending all his free time with Martha that he hasn't talked to his friends in months. He feels so alone and begins to cry.
The next day Martha calls a couple of her other friends, and they will talk about how Fred was a complete loser for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they analyze how pathetic he is, going over it time and time again. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never getting bored with it.
Meanwhile, Fred, working another 12 hour shift quietly wipes the tears from his eyes so that no one notices. He reminds himself, "Men don't cry", do they?
And that's the difference between men and women.
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